Sit down and shut up!
Today’s class and the book reading were making me think about how much in our society we don’t listen. I don’t think we are modeled listening skills and therefore are very lacking in our abilities. I know in my own relationships, I may be perceived as listening or appear in tune, but I may be thinking of other things. “What am I going to make for dinner?” “Do I have the laundry caught up?” “Do I need to go to the store?” “Are my materials prepared for school?” This is just a rough sampling of the things going on in my head. I actually could add a few more to this list. Just by the mere make up of my life, it tends to promote too much going on most of the time for one day. Full time teacher, three sons, 4 pets, house, yard, etc.; I have a lot of responsibilities each day, there for, making time to be quiet is hard. I’ve always bragged that I can do 5 things at once, now I’m realizing I shouldn’t have been bragging. I really wasn’t doing 5 things effectively. Darn it, this has been a motto I lived by. I needed to be a multitasked person.
Well, now I’m realizing that I need a new motto. Listening better needs to be in my motto. I loved in the book where the author gave a description of being in conversation with a friend and she just listened for one hour without interrupting or commenting. She just sat and listened and took in information. Then after one hour it was her turn to talk and in return the friend sat and listened. I was kind of wondering how that would even be possible. I think I would need to start with about 15 minutes and then build up to larger amounts.
I also loved Meriah’s idea of the discussion circle for her class. This would enable children the opportunity to learn how to listen and have listening behaviors modeled and practiced. I want to try this idea out with my class next year. It would be fun to have topics in a bucket or basket and then pull one out for the discussion circle and then that would be the topic for the day. I think the kids would like the surprise element that would be provided.
Tonya,
ReplyDeleteI too enjoyed the part of the book where she described her relationship with her listening partner...I think his name was Pete. I found myself wondering about the same things you did..."how do you just sit and listen for AN HOUR?", "how do you not do chores around the house while on the phone, ESPECIALLY if you have to be quiet for an hour!?", and "where can I get one of these friends that will listen to me for an hour and not give me unwanted advice? :)" I think we all like to talk, but listening is so much harder. The truth is, I think a lot can be learned from listening. I'll be your listening buddy, but you're right...let's do 15 minutes ONLY! :)
Tonya,
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone in your poor ability to be an affective listener. I too try to multitask when I listen. We have these amazing brains that you would think could listen and comprehend multiple topics at one time. As it turns out, this doesn't generally work. As I mentioned in my post, we can HEAR multiple things at one time, but it is very difficult to LISTEN to multiple things at one time. I think the focus needs to be on centering your mind on one task and fully devoting our listening skills to that. It might take some practice, but the people you surround yourself with will definitely benefit from it.
I agree that just listening to someone talk for an hour might be torture for me. But that is because as you said it is something we are not used to doing, we don't listen. Taking baby steps to get there is a good idea. I suggested in my blog to pick a person everyday ask them a question and just listen to their response. Don't give input just let them talk. Practice makes perfect and we are going to have to practice, practice, practice before we can call ourselves true listeners.
ReplyDeleteIt also takes communication. Sometimes we do need feedback or approval in a conversation. We need to tell people what we want out of a conversation so the person knows what is expected of them. If they know that they are just to be listening then they can do a better job accomplishing that task.
Tonya the topic of listening is a huge part of my “Pay It Forward” project. We need to be active listeners in the classroom, but also with sports and life in general. My hope for my project is to provide an environment where my players feel life they can share and that they know their teammates are “really” listening. People tend to not want to share for feel they will be judge, criticized. Within a team, listening and communication is a huge part of what creates success. With students, being an active listener for an hour straight would probably not be a successful time frame, but 15 minutes is definitely doable.
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