Creative Play for Kids 7-29-11

The article about Creative Play for Kids by Alix Spiegel was an eye opener for me. I don’t recall hearing of Tools of the Mind program. The idea of having all play time organized kind of freaked me out. The purpose of having organized play has the goal of learning time for these 3 or 4 year old preschoolers. The children sit with the instructor and sign up for something to play with. Then students may play in a certain area or with a certain toy. These students are working on a cognitive skill called executive function.

It was mentioned in this article that a child with good executive function is a pre-determiner of how successful he or she will be in school. This program also helps children have practice of regulating themselves instead of an adult. These children who think ahead or plan for what they are going to do are scoring higher on tests. Also some believe children that have good executive function are less likely to have ADHD.

This seems to be a good possibility I think. But I wonder as we train small minds to micro manage their time, if we might end up with adults that can’t cope well situations that they can’t plan for. Perhaps the type A personality to the extreme? I certainly understand that children and adults can learn more with play time that is pre-arranged for them. Don’t we all learn with organized play such as karate? How does this fit in with the creative side that all of us need to nurture? Do children feel that the Tools of the Mind program give them “safe” boundaries? I would think this is an important element of this particular program. Overall, I think it might be a worthy program for children to engage in.

Playtime in Germany

Alix Spiegal’s article about the importance of play reminded me so much of my trip to Germany. The fun play I was able to do in Germany is totally different than what I am writing about, even though I am pretty sure there is something extra put in Turkish wine. Anyways….

The first thing I wanted to do after the longest flight I had ever been on, (until the flight home), was unpack, and feel human again. That would have been too easy. Every minute had to be jammed with meetings and moving since we couldn’t be there very long. By “we” I mean me and a group of other Idaho teachers who were part of a work-study trip to study environmental justice. So right off the plane, we took a train to Freiburg, and walked to a park. Still kind of groggy, I wondered why we were there, but after following a path a few minutes in, I discovered the reason. In the middle of this wooded area sat two small trailers and a bunch of kids with a couple adults building a fire, learning knife skills, digging in the dirt, and reading books. I learned that it was a kindergarten in the woods. These are gaining popularity in Germany because the students are not only “school” learning, but “life” learning as well, which meant learning the camp skills necessary to keep the kindergarten going. The students had responsibility and ownership of their school, not just the adults. They were everything they did was outside, all year round! What looked like play was more than that, and I could tell the kids that were there would not want to be at an “inside” school. What if it’s the middle of winter? Put more layers on them. What if a kid accidentally gets hurt, will you get sued? Silly American, Germans don’t have that fear of being sued like you are. They had not ever had that happen, and even laughed at that question.

The school did not have any toys, playground equipment, or anything to keep them occupied. The students were using their imaginations to play with what was around them, sticks, stones, dirt…that’s pretty much it. They were not telling anyone they were bored, or that they wanted something else to play with. They were used to it, and seemed content with what they had. They rarely went inside the trailers, so had time to think of new games, and play old favorites. Students also learn about environmental sustainability by learning to pick up after themselves, the proper way to put out a camp fire and learning to leave the space they were in just as they left it or better. I wondered if this was what all German schools were like. According to the kindergarten in the woods director, they would like them to be.

Visiting one of the high schools in Berlin was different. It was a large, concrete building that I described as “communist style” since it was built during the time of the Berlin Wall. Many of the buildings in East Berlin were like the high school was built. The school planners were able to take advantage of the concrete, though. A large climbing wall was placed in a central wall of the school for students to use during P.E. There was also what can only be described as a pit area to house all the bikes that were used to get to school and home every day. Classrooms also had giant windows that could open that allowed fresh air and sunlight, and huge areas used for group work, as well as computers for students to use without having to fight for time in the library. I learned that the schools in Germany were pretty much all like the one I visited. I was beginning to think the school I taught at was the more “communist style” than this. When we were having a conversation with the principal, he mentioned that one of the English teachers was on maternity leave for the rest of the year, so they were looking for someone to fill her position for that time. I had to hold myself back from running over to him, pulling on the ends of his jacket, and screaming “Me! Me! Me!” I will find myself back there eventually.

After reading this article and everything else Matt has taught us this summer, makes me think that there are other reasons the U.S. is behind in school. The schools I visited in Germany were concerned with the whole child, allowing time to play to learn, and not sitting for hours like zombies in a post-Columbine shut in building that my students were in. Play was used as a learning tool, and their test scores are better than the U.S. The U.S. should learn from Germany, and build schools around what is the best for the students and the teachers that fill the schools, not just test-taking factories.

LONGEST POST EVER!!!! But cohort 11, please read

How was my compassion day? Ironic! I spend nearly every day being upbeat and positive, smiling and laughing as much as humanly possible. While I might kill the occasional spider, I think I am compassionate to all living things 99% of the time. Yet today, the designated day of compassion, I found myself being…. Well…. A self-absorbed ass. The stress of the project final caught up to me about 2 o’clock this afternoon, and no amount of mediation or laughter yoga could kick me out of this funk. Apparently, I have a long way to go before getting full control over “my buttons”.

Don’t worry though, I waited till I regained my normal emotional state before writing this. The question (at nearly 2 am) became what to say seeing that I clearly failed the day’s assignment. Since we are rapidly approaching an emotional ending to an amazing journey it seemed appropriate to use this final blog as a time to say thank you to all of you who have had such a positive impact on me; both personally and professionally. I’m going alphabetically so I don’t get accused of playing favorites. =) So without further adieu…..

Angie: Your positive energy and laugh has been so great during our long hours in the classroom discussing all the random topics (sometimes depressing) we have encountered. I am always inspired by your strong desire to get students thinking critically about history and closely examining the world around them. Your commitment to this educational philosophy has really helped me I my own attempts to get kids thinking deeply about math. Also, even though it hasn’t happen yet, Saturday on your boat will totally rock!

Beau: Not only do you make me laugh constantly but I have always respected how well you listen. It’s evident as every time you offer an opinion, you constantly refer back, by name, to what others have said. We all know people who speak just to hear their own voice and you are the exact opposite. Every time you share an idea it is insightful and well conceived. Plus your passion for working with native kids constantly inspires me and I was excited everyone got to experience this during your project presentation. No powerpoint… you’re my hero!

Breanna: While we will never agree on shuffleboard rules, I’ve really enjoyed all the extra conversations we were able to have. Your friendship means a great deal to me. You always brought interesting ideas to the table and listening to your stories about kindergarteners licking each other, eating paste, and doing all sorts of weird things made me laugh constantly. Without your reminders and organization, I would have forgotten at least half of the assignments we were given. I appreciate that and definitely will make good on a dinner to thank you properly.

Heidi: I’ve never like politics and policy but I greatly respect and appreciate the fact that you are so active with that part of education. It does not get said enough, especially by me, but thank you for acting and lobbying on my behalf. Your passion for global citizenship and social justice, is always apparent and quite admirable. That passion combined with your interest in learning, reading, research, and writing will undoubtedly take you to all sort of success. I have no doubt that 10 years from now I’ll pick up a book and see “Heidi Renk” on the cover.

Jamie: Never in a 100 years did I think I could learn so much from someone whose teaching assignment is so different than my own. Your passion for your students and the fact that you epitomize the phrase “master teacher” constantly made me want to improve my own abilities. We all have said “I wish you were my kindergarten teacher”, I agree, but feel lucky enough having you as a friend and colleague. Your kids and school are blessed to have you.

Jacqui: First off, thank you for showing us Hudson’s. I didn’t know a hamburger place could change my life. More importantly, your optimism and sense of humor made even the longest classes enjoyable. All the extra conversations we had about… well… everything were always insightful and refreshing for the soul. You have also inspired me to start using word like “bum”, “holiday”, and “dodgy” although I doubt they will sound as cool when I say them. You are great friend and I look forward to staying in contact.

Matt: Hmm… where to start this one. When we first started this program and went back to our respective places in the fall, I will never forget getting an e-mail with two articles you read the might be helpful to my lit review. That might not seem like a big deal to you but it was to me. I was floored that, with all you have going on, my research mattered. That little story barely scratches the surface of the commitment you make to all the folks in this program and your dedication as a teacher. You have taught me more about education, life, and all sorts of other things than any other human being could have in such a short amount of time. The list is long but at the top… laughter yoga. You have made me a better person and a better teacher and I am eternally grateful.

Meg: I don’t have any family within a 2000 mile radius so having your motherly influence has been priceless. You are always the first person I want to talk with when I’m having trouble processing or articulating a thought because you listen like a cow but then always have amazing insights in return. Not only are you tons of fun to be around but you also have this zen-like calming effect that is amazing. As a final thought, the fact that you are still committed to teaching and passionate about improving after so many years of teaching is both incredible and inspirational. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Meriah: Your dedication to your school and the art of teaching is present in all your words and actions and I think that is so cool. I love hearing the ideas and perspectives you bring to the table because it’s obvious they are generated from the heart. The warmth of your personality makes you the kind of person that makes others feel good about themselves…. I know you had that effect on me. Combine all that with your drive to make a difference and “go get ‘em” attitude and that’s why you are the incredible teacher you are.

Cohort 12: I wish I had a chance to get to know all of you better but I’m out of time here. You all are in for a life changing experience. Thank you for all you have given me in out short time together. Good luck and enjoy it.

Phew…. My fingers hurt.

Dammit… birds are starting to chirp.

But as a last thought, using my powers to analyze data I see themes emerging from these rambling. Passionate, friend, inspirational, dedicated, amazing, fun, committed, insightful are words that came up a lot. Maybe I just need to start using a thesaurus but I think those words best describe this program and the people that have made it so special.

Thank you all.

Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce

After the play I began thinking about compassion as I drove home tonight. I considered how being compassionate has to do with living in and with gentleness. I started to shape up my blog; then I started blinking: some lights behind me were blinding, irritating. Darn, these are the only times I miss my Tahoe with its rear view and side view mirrors which adjusted for night time driving. As I accelerated from the 45 mph to the 60, I switched my rear view mirror down. That didn’t help much; the lights seemed blinding but the vehicle was not too close. Oh dear, I thought to myself, my astigmatism must be getting worse because this guy (yes, I thought male) seems to be right on my rear and he’s not.

Okay, so he had bright, halogen lights—or whatever those are. He gained on me on Reisenauer Hill but for some darn reason, he didn’t pass me. Was he on the phone? I wondered. He gained on me as we went down the other side. I gripped the steering wheel tighter; the lights stabbed my eyes from both of my side mirrors; my head ached. Relax my shoulders, think gently. I sent him a mental message: Please feel free to pass me. He didn’t. Headlights filled all my mirrors and danced off my eyeballs. I shrunk down in my seat dropping my eyes below the mirrors. Such I comfortable new position, I assured my body.

Finally, the highway divided; still he followed. In front of me the road was whitely lit. My puny lights seemed like small yellow lamp lights. I could see both sides of the road. In fact, I could see up the bank on the opposite side of the roadway. I wonder if I will see a badger or a raccoon. Finally, he decided to pass me—a huge red pickup, shiny and rolling by way above my little Subaru; my what big tires he has; bet he is proud of his truck. He picked up speed and lit the highway for miles beyond.

Slowly the stars appeared on all sides. My eyes regained calm and adjusted to the darkness. I could even see the constellations on the horizon. I smiled, thinking gentleness, thinking compassion. Far down the highway towards Lewiston, I saw on the horizon bright blue-red blinking lights. I smirked: Oh, think compassion—leave justice to the energy of the universe.

...another runner in the night

give me an "F"

Carefully, I poked through the mass of wet tissue floating in the toilet bowl. Crap! There it was. A broken black spider…

I heard the last snooze alarm go off. It was 20 past the time that the first alarm went off. I was not going to make it to laughter yoga if I did not hurry. I stumbled to the bathroom to shower. There it was. A small black spider was in the shower. So I reached down with my usual wad of toilet paper to remove the 8 legged-creature that was standing between my morning shower. I grabbed it quickly and tossed it into the toilet. Then, I remembered. It was our day of compassion! It is so ironic that earlier in the week I even asked, “What do I do if there is a spider in the shower?” Matt told us that we should set it free outside. I felt terrible. What a bad start to the day. I really let myself have it internally. I even confessed to the laughter yoga crew. I had to have some serious compassion for myself.

Many thoughts went through my head today, I think that I am generally a compassionate person towards others. Others is the operative word there. I am way more uncompassionate towards myself (and my neighbor”s barking dog, Larry). It is interesting that in our meditation 1/3rd of the time was spent sending positive thoughts to us. I needed that. I need to feel that reaffirmation for myself. Overall the day was great. I think I will begin having experiences with my own students (and maybe even my family if they will buy-in). I am grateful for this day.

Aura of Niceness

It was a day most like any other day for me other than the fact that today was a day of compassion – I am sure that is why I woke up before my alarm…nah maybe it was that I wanted to show compassion to my clothes and wash them…either way. Would this day of compassion be different from any other day? To a point I suppose it made me more conscious about my thoughts that took place during the day. I was more aware as to the surroundings and people around me and the events that were taking place in those surroundings. It made me recognize those areas in which I had the opportunity to show compassion.  Did it change a lot for me? I think for the most part I am fairly considerate of others, so changing negative actions to positive actions didn’t present itself much today. In addition, I haven’t much been in a hurry this summer, well at least while on campus, walking from the dorms I don’t have many traffic issues to speak of and the travel time is short. Now, had it been a day that I was driving to work and people were rightly driving the speed limit, which I of course I was not, it might take a little more effort on my part to keep my thoughts compassionate towards them for following the rules and slowing down my average driving time by just a few minutes. It would have been great to say that I helped someone who was in distress today, but it just didn’t happen although the day is not officially over. A major event could happen in the next hour. I enjoy the overall idea of people acting compassionate to each other creating this nice aura of niceness.

I must say that Taming of the Shrew and the musical rendition of Big Love was a blast tonight. Thanks to the group for attending and making it a great time.

Action Compassion

Today was our Day of Compassion day and it honestly did not feel any different than any other day. I got up and fiddled around the house until it was time to get ready for the day. That is when my compassion kicked in. Good thing I remembered that it was compassion day or I don’t know how I would have reacted when a family member took all the clean clothes out of the dryer and left them on top of it unfolded. Now, those clothes aren’t going to fold themselves. But, I didn’t say anything. I hummed while I folded them. A happy song. I don’t mind folding clothes. Later, I was patient while I was getting ready for the day. I didn’t hog the mirror even though I needed to get out of the house first. I waited with no eye rolling or anything and it didn’t kill me. I still made it to class on time. No big deal, right?
During our class break, I went for a walk. It was nice to get out in the summer sun. As I passed people, I spoke to each person. A friendly hello, smile or asked how they were. It was fun to do more than establish eye contact. Everyone answered back and it was fun to watch their surprised faces.
After class I went out to lunch with Angie, took my mom, my daughter and my daughter’s friend. At the restaurant, we had a lovely conversation all of it positive. No trash talking at all. Just three generations having lunch.
For the rest of the day, I found it easy to go out of my way to be friendly. This is not too difficult for me but sometimes I tend to get lost in my own thoughts and become a little bit self-absorbed. I didn’t do that today. I focused on others. I smiled. I talked. I waved and smiled at the flagger people. I thanked my mom for helping out so much. I like the compassionate feeling. It is nice to escape the realities of our lives and give to others. This is something I want to use more in my classroom. We talk about and use the Virtues in school, but talking and doing are two different things. I want the kids to see compassion in action. It is a good thing and one that we can incorporate that will take little teaching time and no money. We won’t have to measure it to a standard and there is no test. The outcome will be kids and adults treating each other nicely. I like that!

Compassion rollercoaster

As I sit here reflecting on my day, I must admit my level of compassion is best described as a rollercoaster. I believe compassion takes a little practice just as all things do in life. Today, I was flooded with the widest range of emotions, not sure if it was spending six hours working on the final details of my research project or saying goodbye to my cohort. I cried three times today, felt mad, snapped at a friend, relaxed, stressed, was more negative than usual, and felt overwhelmed with love and kindness. On a normal day, I think I exhibit more positive feelings and today I was mindful to the fact that I was out of whack. I think it is amazing how stress can alter my mood, deadlines add pressure, and now I am sad that I couldn’t celebrate the success of a years work. I got derailed, thrown off the tracks so to speak.

So what can be learned about my day of compassion you ask? Well, it isn’t always about me. I’ve seen my friend’s around me exhibit one or a few of these emotions today, and I am humbled. If I’ve learned one thing, it is this; I must take the time to show compassion to others. We all have different emotions and circumstances in any given day, and how we respond to these situations matters. It feels good sending love or showing love to others; the benefits are far more pleasing than the raging rollercoaster of negative emotions I described earlier.

My revelation for the day is this, I am not perfect, I do fail at times, stress can throw my day off tracks if I let it, and the most important thing is how I handle it. I am going to work harder at showing more compassion to others and get outside of myself.

It is 10:00, do you know where you compassion is? Mine sadly is starting to wear out as I am starting to wear down. The weight of the summer has been sloughed off leaving me excited but drained. However, during the day today I could not get the smile off of my face. I don’t know how compassionate that is but at least I was happy. And I hope that my happiness rubbed off on others making their day a little bit better. As I did walk around with a smile people seemed to smile back, and I got great customer service while I ran my errands. This actually could be a delusion because of my giddiness but I am going to tell myself that it was because I had a happy aura around myself.

I claimed earlier that some of my excitement was because this long process has come to a close, I reached my goal. But I have also come to believe that a lot of it has to do with the things we have done before and during class. The meditations and laugher yoga have helped me relax and focus my attention. I have also always know that you can control your own happiness but I have haven’t really attempted this. I made a conscious effort all week and especially today to do this. I finally realized that stressing over things that I cannot control are not going to do me any good. What is going to be will be.

I don’t feel that I did anything to go out of my way to be compassionate to people today. I just tried to make their day better by being in a good mood around them. My motto walking away from today is; send out a positive vibe, because you never know where it may go?

Thinking Thursday

Thinking Thursday....

Today would be Thinking Thursday if we were in my classroom, and I did a lot of thinking today. Compassion is easier for me to give than to get. I can forgive most people almost anything but forgiving myself even the littlest thing is the hardest thing to do. I annoy people with my apologies. I know why I psychologically do it and I won’t bore you with it but I can’t change who I am. So today was harder because I found myself being harder on myself than usual, because I would notice faults and think oh no I’m failing at this, I should have waited around and opened the door for that older man, or I found myself apologizing more than usual when or trying not to so I wouldn’t annoy others, I think I was sensitive due to the fact of having a migraine and the pain medication made this all worse. Lots of tears - but there were acts of kindness towards me that I found so nice! For instance - Ace really is the Helpful Hardware Place! My toilet is broken and I just thought I could go in and buy a simple replacement kit for the tank - who knew there were so many choices and prices? And I tried to call my husband but he was in a meeting with a senator and apparently the country is going down the toilet but to me I wanted just to flush the toilet - more important pressing issue of the day. So I looked up and this nice older man who works there asked me to explain the problem, told me what to buy, gave me the number of his friend and said to call him if I needed help and he patted my arm and said this will work out. I went to my car so happy - I cried but I couldn’t believe how nice he was to me. Then I went to a drive thru to get some lunch and I was looking down trying to change the radio station and when I looked up the teller guy was hanging out the window waving at me, so I apologized and he was so nice and laughing and said no problem “I get paid by the hour and they can’t make me leave the window if I have an order open plus it was nice to see your smile-’’ Have a great day” Totally made me feel better for being a dork -

So I guess what I’m telling you is that while I am unsure how well I did being compassionate to others - unexpected people were very compassionate to me today and it really helped me out. Not in big ways but ways that mattered to me.

It’s the little things we do that that effect other people - they were my rainbow today.

Someone please call Dr. Phil

I don’t know what the deal is but I must channeling my emotional side today. Is it the day of compassion? Is it the fact that our summer session is coming to a close? Is it that I have to move out of Meg’s place? Is it that school starts in about a month? Someone please give me the answer. Look, I fashion myself a pretty masculine dude. You know a real man’s man. Well, unfortunately, I’ve either wept or been on the verge of weeping all day. I’m not kidding. It all started in laughter yoga. What an emotional rollercoaster that is. I cried so much that I felt like a wrung out sponge. Next, Matt shows the video GoD And DoG by Wendy J Francisco. Sure, I’m a dog lover, but I bet a cat would have cried watching that video. It took everything I had to choke back the tears. Then we perform the twenty¬-five minute meditation. There’s nothing like focusing on the people you love and care about the most to churn up emotional feelings. Finally, I end my day watching a movie on Netflix. This sappy poorly made movie called “The Winning Season” actually choked me up twice. I mean who wouldn’t? Those girls really gave their all for that good-for-nothing alcoholic coach.

You get the point. It must be the whole compassion day thing. Honestly, I fancy myself quite the compassionate person. I guess you mix in the fact that I was more aware of being compassionate today and things started to go haywire. Who knows? Maybe this is just how my body deals with stress. Whatever the case, I’m not worried about it. It’s good to have emotions. It means that I’m a human being. I guess I’ll just break out the old Ricky Schroder classic “The Champ” and let the tears fly.

Rollercoaster

Similar to other bloggers that I have read I found that being concerned about compassion was a rollercoaster at times: The ups of feeling like I was doing the right thing and the downs of knowing that I had screwed up. After class I decided to quit grading myself and let it flow. That was when it got easier. Compassion is something that most of us are taught to have. I personally believe each one of us has an innate sense of compassion that is with us before the teaching begins. Compassion, however, is something that is incredibly difficult to model and act out on a day to day basis. I struggle daily with being compassionate, it really struck home with me when Dr. Wappett talked today about being cross with his kids at times when he gets home from work. This summer has been busy and I admit that at times I have been short with my kids as I am trying to read an article or type a blog response. It was a reminder to me that I need to slow down and model compassion consistently to my children and wife. Compassion is something that has to be attempted daily to have it become a part of one’s life. I know from my short experience with both Cohort 12 and 11 that all of you are compassionate people (in many different ways), and I have enjoyed experiencing that.

I have also been incredibly lucky to have been raised in a home with a great model of compassion. My mother has given compassion to others since I can remember, and she does it freely. She is always making a meal for a family or buying gas for a neighbor, I have seen her unplug the drain pipes of a widow in town at 9:00 at night and haul 50 pound wood-pellet bags into the house for a disabled lady across town. These examples are just touching the tip of the iceberg of what she has done for others. My dad often worries that she is being taken advantage of (I think that is a legitimate concern), but she just keeps on giving herself to others. I know that she would be embarrassed if I bragged about her in public so I thought a blog that she won’t read with people that she doesn’t know would be a good place to brag about her.

One day down and many more to go

I think the day of compassion went really well. I think overall I am a very courteous person but not always very compassionate. So I looked at the definitions of both words at Oxford Dictionaries Online:

Courteous-polite, respectful, or considerate in manner

Compassion-sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others

I think it is easier to be courteous than to compassionate. How often have you heard about something bad happening and just thought “I am glad that’s not me”. I know I do this all the time. Fortunately I didn’t see any people suffering today during my time out and about. The biggest thing I found myself doing was trying to keep any negative thoughts out of my head and not judging people as I often do in my head. I do generally give people a label based on my first impression, often without realizing it, which almost always is wrong but for some reason I still find myself doing it. I try really hard not to do this in the classroom and as I meet new students throughout the year. I really try to wait and get to know people before making any kind of judgments and even those often turn out to very wrong.

So for today I really made an effort to be very polite to anyone I was around. I meet with my major professor this morning and someone came up and started asking him a question, I was very patient while the two of them talked trying not to look annoyed or rushed. The person looked at me at me and I gave them a big smile as if to say, “no worries get your questions answered”.

I made an effort to see if Tonya wanted help formatting her philosophy charter. I tried to be patient and show her a few things and hopefully she didn’t get frustrated with the program (or my help). I believe we were very successful in finishing her project.

Overall today was kind of trying and it did take work to be compassionate all day but I think I did learn from this experience.

4 YR Old, Master’s Courses, Students on Summer Break, 7 WKs at Your Parents…Day of Compassion…Riiiiiiiiiiight :)

Is a day of compassion really possible when you have a bossy independent four year old, you are in the middle of master’s courses, you are teaching 60 students online that for the most part are on vacation instead of completing assignments, and to top it off, you are going on the seventh week of living at your parents’ house for the summer. Anyone that has experienced the latter; you know exactly how I feel.

Living an entire day of compassion, I am not going to lie, was not easy, and if I was to receive a grade for it, I would probably have received a “C”. Let me just say that I hate “C’s”, but would have received an “D” if it would not have been for the conscious effort I was making to be compassionate. There are things that occur that just push your buttons, and like in the book discussed previously this week, Radical Presence, buttons are our own “buttons”, they do not exist like a cosmic control panel, they are just an annoyance to us because of how things should be (O’Reilley, 1998). When I started to find myself going down the path of letting things “push my buttons”, my conscious effort of compassion kicked in somewhat, and deep breathes were the start. Instead of just making quick remarks without thinking before speaking, taking a few deep breathes seemed to help give my mind time to rethink what words I was going to let come out of my mouth. Deep breathing is not a cure, but a definite way of helping me from making quick remarks or decisions without first pondering.

Compassion, according to Merriam-Webster’s online, is a sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it. My question to you all is, how can you have compassion for others, a want to alleviate their distress, when they are causing you stress?

What Am I Going To Do? 7-28-11

My day of compassion began last night. My parents live next door to me. We have beautiful Jackson Perkins pink hedge roses that separate the two houses. As we pruned them this spring, we discussed how horrible they looked. We also talked about how much work they are to take care of. We even touched on the suggestion of taking them out. As spring and summer have progressed, the roses still don’t look much better. The leaf mold hasn’t disappeared although they have been sprayed with some kind of toxic liquid.

My dad came to my door last night and said “I think we need to talk.” When ever I hear those words I know that serious business is in the air. “Your mom told me that I better come over here and talk to you,” he said. “I was wondering how hard it would be to take those roses out. So I pulled four of them out with the truck. It wasn’t bad at all.”

Stunned, I found myself speechless. When did we decide to take them out?, I thought. My dad found himself stumbling for solutions to this problem. “I could buy 4 new plants and put those in. Maybe we could put in a fence. Well we could dig the dirt down and put in rocks. I don’t think I’ll take any more out for now.”

I found myself trying to console him by coming up with solutions to this new current problem. Finally, I told him that I couldn’t pull out any plants until the weekend.

Compassion and understanding is something I’ve been really working hard on as my parents have aged. My 76 year old diabetic mother and 86 year old, 3 time heart attack, father are giving me a run for my money on some days. I can remember as a young girl visiting my precious grandma in the nursing home. She was 70 and had no idea who my mom, her daughter, or I was. It was sad stuff. So…I consider myself pretty lucky these days.

Today was cake in comparison to yesterday; I turned the air conditioner down extra low, didn’t kill any bugs, tried to be thoughtful and didn’t yell at the lady driving slow in front of me. But what the heck am I going to do about the roses?

Day of Compassion...A Reflection

Yesterday, I was sure I was going to fail the Day of Compassion. I am the person who says what I mean, and I mean what I say with few apologies. This includes what I say to myself, so when being compassionate towards everyone meant including me, I wasn’t holding out any hope. This is especially true when something doesn’t go the way I plan, or something doesn’t turn like it should have. I always have to ask, over and over again, what I could have done differently. Believe me, if I could help it, I would have stopped a long time ago. I have always had strong opinions, so I am used to the eye rolls and the people looking at each other when I speak sometimes…I get it. I do want to make sure what I do and say and act will serve a purpose to better my own thought process, or get a question answered, even if I know I will get the faces. The questions or comments I say may be beneficial to someone else, even if just consider another point of view, or come up with a question of their own. Surprisingly I had a good day today. I cut myself a break, but the day didn’t make it easy on me.

I woke up this morning wanting to have a day of accomplishment. I have been having trouble letting go of my research project. I kept making changes and adding more and more. Poor Melissa, huh? I wanted to take advantage of today to let it go and finally print it off. Check. Not bound yet, but that will happen tomorrow before I leave. I wanted to take advantage of every moment in class, since it was the last day of class in a formal way. Check. I wanted to take the time to at least say hello to everyone in Cohort XI, since it was the last time we would all be in a classroom together after a life changing year we experienced together. Almost check.

I also wanted to really focus and pay attention through being brain fried…I swear I saw smoke coming out of my ears this morning. I wish that would have happened. I kept getting distracted from the loud clicking of computer keys, the sea of computer screens out, and side conversations. I thought it was ironic the topic was being mindful and listening. Since this was the Day of Compassion, I tried to think that whatever was being worked on or being said at that moment could not wait until break or even after class. Stuff like that really tried to make me fail my Day of Compassion, but I stayed determined. Other factors happened today that tested my day as well, but I was proud of myself that I was positive, even if it meant some smiling, nodding and “uh-huh”ing.

When I opened the blog to find several posts, I knew that the Day of Compassion was considered at an end. I can officially get the official pat- on- the- back by my worst critic, and reflect on my accomplishments. I am glad we did this because it made me more aware and careful. Although I have a slight headache from the unsaid frustrations of the day, it is something I will do again, and I want to do that with my students as well. I know they would benefit from a day not to being hard on themselves, to work at focusing on the positives, and to not worry about need the day to go as planned.

A Blog about my Dog

A Blog about my dog:

As I think about this day of compassion and the U-tube video about “God and Dog” I couldn’t help but think about my own dog, Murphy. He is the central source of love and compassion at my house. (Well I guess that is beside me) No matter how many times we forget to walk him, tell him he stinks, kick him out of the kitchen, yell at him for counter surfing or procrastinate giving him a bath, he just continues to love his family. He is always there waiting when we come home in the afternoon with his smiling doggy face. He continues to want to be petted and loved, no matter what.

My dog, Murphy, has been there for me in times of hardship with an ever present spirit. I went through a hard phase 2 years ago and I was amazed about how intuitive, Murphy was to my emotions and feelings. If I was going through a bout of tears, he would sit by me, put his paw on my leg and just look at me with his compassionate brown eyes. He followed me around; just to be sure I was ok. I was continually amazed at the depth of this dog’s perception about my needs and emotions.

I guess the reason I’m blogging about my dog on this day of compassion is because I think a pet’s love and devotion to their owner is similar to the way I want to be with others. I wish I was more in tune with other people’s emotions and feelings and was just willing to sit and let them cry while I put my hand on their shoulder until they felt better. To me that is true compassion. Being willing to put aside my own agenda for someone else and just be present for them in their time of need.

I’m not sure I did such a great job on this day of compassion. I think I’m being too much of duck and not enough of a dog. I’m going to try harder for tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.

Day of Compassion

My alarm went off at 7:00, as I reached over to push the snooze button I saw my post it note that said “Don’t forget…Day of Compassion.” I laid there thinking about how I wanted to go about my day. Thinking about things that may be challenging for me and getting a plan to overcome these challenges. Then….my roommate screamed in the other room, I jumped up and ran out to see what was wrong. I soon found out that there was a spider, and she is TERRIFIED of spiders. Since I’ve moved in this summer I have been the spider killer. I am not a huge fan of spiders but I’m not deathly afraid like the girl I’m living with. I quickly grabbed toilet paper so that I could get rid of the problem, then I remembered what today was…and I stopped to think about the spider. I made a quick decision to get a piece of paper and have the spider crawl on that and then put the spider outside instead of killing it. I was proud of myself as I went to get a piece of paper, and how I was truly feeling a change. I went back and started to slide the paper under the spider, the spider jumped and got TOO CLOSE and I ended up squishing it…I felt HORRIBLE! What a crummy start to such a nice day L I found myself feeling angry and mad that I had already ruined the day and it was only 7:00! Then I remembered that as part of the day of compassion I couldn’t get mad at myself either. I tried to make a fresh start. I found myself in this battle all day…I would accidentally do something (like shake my keys so birds would fly away and I wouldn’t have to walk by them) and then get mad at myself for doing such a mean thing that was not in line with the goal of the day. The rest of the day seemed to go really well…my interactions with others was natural and I truly think I’m a compassionate person in my daily life…well…I don’t think the butterflies, birds and bugs of the world would agree, but humans…hopefully would. I plan to try and be more conscience of my actions towards bugs, birds, and humans. I feel like my heart is in the right place…most of the time J

everyday should be a day of compassion

Reflecting on my day of compassion, it seemed I was so much more the recipient than the giver. It almost becomes problematic because you want to be able to extend the same kindness and thoughtfulness in return. It’s like saying a word over and over again, at some point you don’t even know what the word means anymore. The same goes for thinking about how to live your life, even one day more compassionately. Thinking about it too much, and you start to wonder what actions are considered compassionate. Focusing too much on something always ends up with my drawing a blank. So I tried to step back and not concentrate so much on something that should be a natural process. What I started to notice was that while I may not be actually doing anything physically to express compassion, I have to acknowledge the emotions that well up inside. It made me think about the loving kindness meditation today. Part of the process is thinking of someone and sending them warmth and loving compassionate thoughts. Feelings, and over-sentimentality, that’s something I have a wealth of. Isn’t that essentially what prayer is. Sending thoughts and hopes for someone through some sort of spiritual connection.

The dilemma I’m facing is what to do when encountering someone who is not mindful, and actually exudes more of the mindless characteristics? I know we’ve talked about returning back to “the real world”, and some of us are expressing concern even fear for whom we may encounter. I can think of many “mindless” individuals. You can’t change a person, but I’m still wondering how to help nurture an environment that would encourage people to be more mindful or receptive to ideas that don’t fit their usual mindset.

Compassion Thursday

I am not sure how the day of compassion has changed my life. Perhaps others thought that today was monumental in their lives. Maybe for them, it was the beginning for love and kindness to radiate outward only to really bless the source. I truly hope so. However, I can’t claim that for myself today, at least not yet. I also don’t know how seriously I took today. I did consider loving kindness—perhaps more as a punch line.

Like others in class have stated honestly, I believe the seed may have been planted. I hope to foster feelings of good for others; knowing that I will be the primary beneficiary of the good feelings. Or does the world benefit too? If my students were mindful, then conflict, aggression, and fighting decrease and peace increases…right? Somehow this seems strange to me. The more we focus inwardly, on ourselves, the more our relationships with others get better? (Yeah, this is a question)

I understood how service-learning could create more peace between my students and the rest of the world. I believe that doing things for others, forces us shift our focus away from ourselves to other people. This makes us be mindful of the way another human acts, lives, exists, and gradually creates tolerance and interpersonal understanding.

I am not entirely sure that the more I focus on what is within me, I will become a kinder person. I am kind of an ass on the surface and it seems to only get worse the deeper I look. J Ha!

In seriousness, it can’t hurt to slow down and contemplate others throughout the day. If I am able to trigger the relaxation response with those around me in mind, my perceptions of them will undoubtedly become more positive. However, if this doesn’t work I am really going to be pissed at someone...Obviously a long road ahead for me.