Day of Compassion...A Reflection

Yesterday, I was sure I was going to fail the Day of Compassion. I am the person who says what I mean, and I mean what I say with few apologies. This includes what I say to myself, so when being compassionate towards everyone meant including me, I wasn’t holding out any hope. This is especially true when something doesn’t go the way I plan, or something doesn’t turn like it should have. I always have to ask, over and over again, what I could have done differently. Believe me, if I could help it, I would have stopped a long time ago. I have always had strong opinions, so I am used to the eye rolls and the people looking at each other when I speak sometimes…I get it. I do want to make sure what I do and say and act will serve a purpose to better my own thought process, or get a question answered, even if I know I will get the faces. The questions or comments I say may be beneficial to someone else, even if just consider another point of view, or come up with a question of their own. Surprisingly I had a good day today. I cut myself a break, but the day didn’t make it easy on me.

I woke up this morning wanting to have a day of accomplishment. I have been having trouble letting go of my research project. I kept making changes and adding more and more. Poor Melissa, huh? I wanted to take advantage of today to let it go and finally print it off. Check. Not bound yet, but that will happen tomorrow before I leave. I wanted to take advantage of every moment in class, since it was the last day of class in a formal way. Check. I wanted to take the time to at least say hello to everyone in Cohort XI, since it was the last time we would all be in a classroom together after a life changing year we experienced together. Almost check.

I also wanted to really focus and pay attention through being brain fried…I swear I saw smoke coming out of my ears this morning. I wish that would have happened. I kept getting distracted from the loud clicking of computer keys, the sea of computer screens out, and side conversations. I thought it was ironic the topic was being mindful and listening. Since this was the Day of Compassion, I tried to think that whatever was being worked on or being said at that moment could not wait until break or even after class. Stuff like that really tried to make me fail my Day of Compassion, but I stayed determined. Other factors happened today that tested my day as well, but I was proud of myself that I was positive, even if it meant some smiling, nodding and “uh-huh”ing.

When I opened the blog to find several posts, I knew that the Day of Compassion was considered at an end. I can officially get the official pat- on- the- back by my worst critic, and reflect on my accomplishments. I am glad we did this because it made me more aware and careful. Although I have a slight headache from the unsaid frustrations of the day, it is something I will do again, and I want to do that with my students as well. I know they would benefit from a day not to being hard on themselves, to work at focusing on the positives, and to not worry about need the day to go as planned.