Too often we are blind to the needs of others. It doesn’t
make us bad people; we are just wrapped up in our own lives. We do help people
when we have time or it crosses our minds. We hold doors. We smile when we pass
each other. We help a neighbor move. We drop our left over change into the
charity jars at the grocery store. We donate to a cause around Christmas time.
But, does this make us compassionate people or just decent human beings?
What is true compassion? I couldn't help but remember something someone
said to me this last year, “It’s easy to show compassion when it’s easy (meaning
it doesn't inconvenience you).” True compassion shows in situations where
compassion isn’t so easy. This made we wonder about where in my life is
compassion really needed? Where have I been blind to a need? Who needs my
compassion? And where might it not be so easy to give.” I thought about the
compassion meditation and the people I envisioned during that experience. I
knew then that I needed to show compassion to the people I love, people I can
have conflict with, strangers and myself. Here’s a run down of my day.
Phase 1: The people I love
My
Kids: During the meditation I envisioned my babies (Tatum 14, Taylor 11). I
cherish every moment I get with them. The unfortunate thing is life gets busy
and sadly I don’t always give them the time they deserve. I made it my priority
to not only spend time with them but to make sure they knew they are my whole
heart and reason for living. We did more walking and talking than any of the
activities I had planned for us to do. We talked about what they want and need
from me, who in their life brings them joy, what the best and worst parts of
the world are, what they hope for their future. These are all conversations we
have casually around the dinner table or in the car, but somehow this was
different. It wasn’t just conversation, it was communication. I felt connected
to them in a new way. I understood them better and realized that my babies are
growing up and have their own views of themselves and this world. This is
something I will never forget and I will try to always be compassionate and
understanding of their thoughts, beliefs and needs.
My Cousin: Part of the meditation
process was envisioning a person you love suffering. The idea of my babies
suffering just about killed me. The hardest thing any parent ever has to do is
watch their child suffer. During the meditation, I found my thoughts drifting to
my cousin. She has 2 daughters who both suffer from Joubert Disease. Their whole
lives have been spent in and out of hospitals. They both have faced dialysis,
kidney transplants, immune system therapy, infection, transfusion and the list
goes on. Frequently I wonder how my
cousin does it as a single mom. My heart goes out to her and I love them all
dearly. I always think about how hard it must be for her to watch her children
spend their whole lives suffering. They are in my thoughts in prayers but she
doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know if I care or think about them because I
don’t tell her enough. I don’t call her very often and I really only see them
once or twice a year. She deserves to know that I think about her and that I’m
here for her. I called my cousin and talked about how the girls were doing (the
youngest just got out of the hospital recently), how she was doing and about
life in general. We made plans to get together soon. I feel guilty that it took
this assignment for me to “step out of my own blindness” and reach out to her,
but now that I have, I will never let life get to busy to show compassion to
the people I love. Life is too short.
Phase 2: The people I have conflict with
My mother: This might seem strange that
my mom is in this category and not in the “people I love” category. Don’t get
me wrong. I love my mom very much and not just because she is my mom, but
because she is my friend and an amazing person. However, like all families, I
assume, conflict arises. My family has strong Irish and German blood running through
our veins. So it goes without saying that compassion and forgiveness are often shadowed by pride and stubbornness. I wont get too much into the story, but the
gist is that my mother and I haven’t spoken in months (FYI she lives two blocks
from me). This assignment made me realize that it was time for this to end. I
wrote her a letter, not to speak my mind or to defend my stance, but to simply
tell her that I love her and there is nothing that will ever change that. I
told her that I will always be here for her and that I understand her feelings.
I had my kids take her dinner and deliver the letter. This is probably one of
the hardest things for me to do. It humbled me and I hope in time this act will
rectify this conflict.
Phase 3: Strangers
The
people we see everyday and never really see: This was hard for me. I tried
to choose a group of people who needed compassion and needed to be reminded
they are not forgotten. I thought about adopting a solider and sending a care
package. I thought about putting together a gift basket for the women’s shelter
here in town or volunteer my time at Northwest Children’s Home. But it wasn’t
until I went to get coffee at Starbucks that I realized what I needed to do. I
saw person after person make their demand for their drink of choice, barely
make eye contact with the employees and hardly every say thank you. I realized
that the people who I see everyday need to know that what they do is important
and that I appreciate their good work. I told the girl who made my coffee that
it was delicious and that it made my day. I thanked her, tipped her and told
her that I appreciated her friendly service. Her smile told me that I was on
the right track. The rest of the day I made sure I gave each person that served
me in one form or another the gratitude they deserve for doing a job that is
hard and unappreciated.
Phase 4: Myself
Me:
The fact that the final part of my day of compassion was directed at myself
speaks true to how I live, how many of us live. It is easier to put others
before us because there are so many people who need our time, service,
compassion and attention. It’s hard to take a minute and ask ourselves, “What
do we need?” At the end of the day I finally got around to asking myself this
question. At first the answer was nothing. I felt so complete and so fulfilled
with everything I had done. I felt good. I felt I could go to sleep knowing I
did everything I could that day to show compassion to others. In turn I met a
need in myself to open my eyes, to no longer let my blindness guide my life. I
thought about the things I have given myself in like, spending time with my
friends and family, going to the spa, working hard at a job I love and
continuing my education in this fellowship. That’s enough for me. These things
that I have made time in my life to give myself have made me happy. Then I
realized there was only one last thing I needed. I called my husband, who works
in Alaska two weeks a month. I needed to hear him say he loves me. To feel
loved and appreciated and remembered, that is what I gave others and that is
what I need in return.
Compassion isn't always easy. Sometimes it takes
sacrificing time, money, and pride. Sometimes these things seem too hard to
give up. My day of compassion wasn't easy. I faced my own failures and scarified
time I thought I didn't have and pride I thought I would never let go of. In
the end I realized neither of those are worth sacrificing compassion.
"People are
often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of having ulterior motives. Be kind anyway... The good
you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world your
best and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway..." - Mother Teresa
