How are you? It is such a simple question and one we ask people on a daily basis. But when was the last time you actually listened to someone’s response? You ask the question out of habit but don’t really care what the person may have to say. In our culture we tend to not deeply listen to people. We skim their words for important things; focus on what our response might be leading us to miss what the person is saying. I too have to take the blame in this. There are many times I will have to re-ask a question because I didn’t listen to the person answering the first time. So how do we switch gears and not worry about our end of the conversation and concentrate solely on the other person? I wish there was a magic fix to this, one we might be able to give to our students, but there isn’t. We are going to just have to practice really being there for someone and listen to their words.
It was brought up in class that sometimes we talk to just vent; we don’t want solutions or ideas we just need to talk about our day. However, those unwanted suggestions still come our way. I think the solution to this problem is as the talker we need to state what we want out of a conversation. If you really just want someone to listen to you then tell them. Let them know that you don’t need their input you just want their time and ears. Communicating to someone on how you want them to listen can really help stage off bad unfulfilling conversations. If they know what kind of active listener they need to be then they will be able to better meet the needs of the person talking.
I think we need to take time each day to ask a friend, loved one or maybe even a stranger a question. And then just listen to their response. Let their words flow while you take them in. Show them that you asked the questions because you care about the answer.
Brea,
ReplyDeleteGreat point! I hate the trained canned question, “How are you?" It is so BS. We do it out of habit, but don't care about the response. Well, the response is usually, "Great! How are you?" There’s another weak BS question. We can be such robots in our daily lives. The funny part is that we feel strange when someone genuinely listens to those daily mundane questions. Two years ago a close family friend started dating this guy, who at first seemed a little strange. He asked a lot of questions and really paid attention to every detail. Well, as their relationship grew, and he and I became friends, I noticed that he knew things about me that I didn't even know. He has a great skill when it comes to truly listening and because of that he is engaged to a great girl and he has made a lot of good friends.
What an awesome blog, I love how we all participate in asking questions when we may not even want to hear the answers. I think sometimes we are programmed or just ready to spout out how we feel, like it is some human need. I am excited to see if I can listen actively tomorrow with nothing but compassion. I think it may be possibly.
ReplyDeleteI love your suggestion about blatantly stating what I expect in conversations. I would like to try that out, and see what kind of response I get or how it feels. I see a strong need to listen like the monk in our reading, and have nothing to say in return.