Compassion lesson _ Kim

Showing kindness is different than being compassionate.  Empathy is not the same thing to me either.  Compassionate acts are a dangerous double-edges sword for me because enabling others is a character defect that I possess and I have a short learning curve on knowing the difference. 

Heading home to Coeur d’Alene made my day of compassion difficult. I had to have a real head to heart talk with myself about the deadlines that lurk in my future.  I’m not talking about the deadlines of these classes, or program, but the deadlines that exist in my private life. 

My life has changed dramatically since I applied for the scholarship to become a Wright Fellow.  Even two years before I had the guts to even apply, I was enabling members of my family, they were enabling me and we all thought we were one great big happy family. Wrong!!

Through hours and hours, weeks and weeks, months and months, and years and years of hard work, I have changed my point of view on what compassion looks like, acts like and, most importantly, feels like.  I maintained this “new” view for my day but  I “detracted” a few times.  I am grateful for a network of support people who I can call and get advice when I am treading on thin ice, and sure enough, advice was appreciated.  Paying for someone’s electric bill is NOT helping but ENABLING. 

Throughout my day of compassion I thought of others and what I could do to make them feel my compassion and love for them. 

 

•      I made a decision to prepare a Flash Mob for Virginia at Einstein’s. I hope others will join me in this compassionate act.  She is a lovely and kind woman who makes my days brighter.  I hope that this act will put another smile on her face. 

•   I met with a friend who is struggling with a personal matter and listened without judgment or advice.  This was very difficult for me and I think she may have thought I wasn’t listening, but I tried to reassure her with nonverbal recognition and a big hug when we parted. 
•    My son did some decorating during the week, and I thanked him for it.  The pictures were hung up with thumbtacks, the plate racks were put up sideways, and so low that you hit your head on them behind the couch, but I thanked him profusely.  I can learn to appreciate his style.
•   I attended a picnic with many friends and some strangers. I made it a point to have ‘real’ conversations with some of each.  Not a one-sided conversation about me and my research paper, but I practiced more active listening and sincere conversations.
•    I don’t have a problem with showing compassion to myself; I treat myself all the time. Instead, I finished my day with productive work on my research.  Given the topic of my research, I was reminded again of some amazing student responses and enjoyed hearing their compassionate voices once more.

So there you have it.  I would have loved to be able to go walk dogs at the Humane Society, read aloud a book at a retirement home, help a neighbor clean out their garage or some other act of compassion but my exercise instead was identifying the difference between kindness, compassion and enabling. Thanks for the lesson.  I needed it.

IT WAS A TOUGH BUT GOOD DAY!!